An Epic Parenting Failure

Sometimes you read something that just makes you feel like a total parenting failure....this week it was this little poem by a beloved childhood author......

   Television

The most important thing we've learned,    
So far as children are concerned,
Is never, NEVER, NEVER let
Them near your television set --
Or better still, just don't install
The idiotic thing at all.
In almost every house we've been,
We've watched them gaping at the screen.
They loll and slop and lounge about,
And stare until their eyes pop out.
(Last week in someone's place we saw
A dozen eyeballs on the floor.)
They sit and stare and stare and sit
Until they're hypnotised by it,
Until they're absolutely drunk
With all that shocking ghastly junk.
Oh yes, we know it keeps them still,
They don't climb out the window sill,
They never fight or kick or punch,
They leave you free to cook the lunch
And wash the dishes in the sink --
But did you ever stop to think,
To wonder just exactly what
This does to your beloved tot?
IT ROTS THE SENSE IN THE HEAD!
IT KILLS IMAGINATION DEAD!
IT CLOGS AND CLUTTERS UP THE MIND!
IT MAKES A CHILD SO DULL AND BLIND
HE CAN NO LONGER UNDERSTAND
A FANTASY, A FAIRYLAND!
HIS BRAIN BECOMES AS SOFT AS CHEESE!
HIS POWERS OF THINKING RUST AND FREEZE!
HE CANNOT THINK -- HE ONLY SEES!
'All right!' you'll cry. 'All right!' you'll say,
'But if we take the set away,
What shall we do to entertain
Our darling children? Please explain!'
We'll answer this by asking you,
'What used the darling ones to do?
'How used they keep themselves contented
Before this monster was invented?'
Have you forgotten? Don't you know?
We'll say it very loud and slow:
THEY ... USED ... TO ... READ! They'd READ and READ,
AND READ and READ, and then proceed
To READ some more. Great Scott! Gadzooks!
One half their lives was reading books!
The nursery shelves held books galore!
Books cluttered up the nursery floor!
And in the bedroom, by the bed,
More books were waiting to be read!
Such wondrous, fine, fantastic tales
Of dragons, gypsies, queens, and whales
And treasure isles, and distant shores
Where smugglers rowed with muffled oars,
And pirates wearing purple pants,
And sailing ships and elephants,
And cannibals crouching 'round the pot,
Stirring away at something hot.
(It smells so good, what can it be?
Good gracious, it's Penelope.)
The younger ones had Beatrix Potter
With Mr. Tod, the dirty rotter,
And Squirrel Nutkin, Pigling Bland,
And Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle and-
Just How The Camel Got His Hump,
And How the Monkey Lost His Rump,
And Mr. Toad, and bless my soul,
There's Mr. Rat and Mr. Mole-
Oh, books, what books they used to know,
Those children living long ago!
So please, oh please, we beg, we pray,
Go throw your TV set away,
And in its place you can install
A lovely bookshelf on the wall.
Then fill the shelves with lots of books,
Ignoring all the dirty looks,
The screams and yells, the bites and kicks,
And children hitting you with sticks-
Fear not, because we promise you
That, in about a week or two
Of having nothing else to do,
They'll now begin to feel the need
Of having something to read.
And once they start -- oh boy, oh boy!
You watch the slowly growing joy
That fills their hearts. They'll grow so keen
They'll wonder what they'd ever seen
In that ridiculous machine,
That nauseating, foul, unclean,
Repulsive television screen!
And later, each and every kid
Will love you more for what you did.

Roald Dahl

We've been watching ridiculous amounts of television here lately--when David went in for his annual doctors appointment the lovely doc (who incidentally has seven sons and two girls of his own) asked how much television the boys were watching--you know, since the experts recommend less than two hours a day.

"Oh you know" I replied...."more than usual.....with the move and no husband and all......we do do a lot of playing outside though"......I added as an afterthought before vaguely trailing off......

Luckily David's legs were literally black since we really do spend much of our day outside and are usually correspondingly dirty, so my story was believable--however I neglected to tell him that when we are inside the TV is usually on.

...

It's true that I'm pregnant and tired and that it's hard to do everything by myself, but it's also true that I don't want the boys to watch endless hours of TV at the expense of time spent building and drawing and reading and using their imaginations in general.  So, husband returning resolution number one is to turn the TV off--after all, why start today what you could put off until some arbitrary future date?  This may require another complete removal of the television set from the house since I apparently have no control over myself and after a mere two requests for a Diego I will generally give in to the ease of the instant calming draft that is our television......

In the mean time I've been trying to set up play spaces for the children that will keep them happily and semi-quietly occupied so that I'm not as inclined to zonk them out with a show.  Of course this also means that my living room is in a pretty intense state of disrepair for most of the day--picture this only with more trains, cars and blocks strewn around......

It's been going fairly well but I think it will be even better once I've got some back-up again.....and I guess I should thank Mr. Dahl for reminding me that I haven't been living up to my own parenting goals--I suppose when you're tired and cranky you need reminders like this.....

Maybe what I need is an accountability partner--anyone want to be in charge of calling me and asking me how many hours of TV the boys watched each day?  :)