On Getting True Peace

Here are some thoughts on creating true peace for your Tuesday with the accompaniment of adorable pictures of course.  I can't take credit for the thoughts, however I will take full credit for the adorableness......

"St. Augustine describes true peace as tranquility in order, order between God and ourselves, order within ourselves and order in our relationships with others.   If we live that threefold order we will have peace, and we will transmit peace to others."

"Our Lord has entrusted to us the task of bringing peace to the world, starting by having peace in our own souls, and then, in our family and in our place of work.  We should work actively to bring animosity and conflict to an end, to create an atmosphere of cooperation and mutual understanding.  Peace in a family, or in any group of people, isn't simply the absence of arguments or quarrels; that could be a sign simply of mutual indifference.  Peace means helping others in areas of personal or common interest; true peace means being concerned about others, being interested in their plans and projects, their joys and sorrows."Our Lord wants us to foster in our hearts ambitions longings for peace and harmony in this world of ours, which seems to lack that peace more and more, because at times men don't want to have God in their hearts.  God wants us Christians to bring peace and joy with us wherever we go."

"Christ is our peace.  For twenty centuries he has been saying to us:  Peace I leave you, my peace I give you.  He wants each of us to proclaim this to the whole world, by the way we live; to the world in which we live, even if at times it may seem rather small."

"Every Christian has the duty to bring peace and joy to his own surroundings on earth.  This cheerful crusade of manliness will move even shriveled or rotten hearts and raise them to God."

 ~Francis Fernandez, In Conversation with God, volume 2 (pg 480-481)

Peace be with you all and enjoy your Tuesday :)

On Being Born to Buy and Having Adorable Toddlers

It's Lent--a time for decluttering, spiritual reading and taking stock of our lives.  Well, that's what I've been doing, although most of my decluttering is still in the planning stage rather than the actually decluttering stage, but, there's still time right?

I suppose my reading hasn't been all spiritual though.  Is it inconsistent that I'm about to tell you about the book I've been reading on the commercialization of childhood and our consumerist culture while simultaneously showing you pictures of my children surrounded by piles of toys in their overstuffed playroom?  Well, here I go anyway, just scroll down for adorable pictures of John John and Margaret if you are shockingly uninterested in my book report.  I'll forgive you.  Eventually.

It's probably not a surprise to anyone who knows me to hear that I'm a little fussy about the kids clothes and toys.  I know that a lot of people don't understand it and think I just have a ridiculous aversion to all things plastic and sparkly but that isn't entirely it.   It's just that I don't like people marketing products at my children.  I don't like spending our limited resources on something that is cheaply made and bound to break.  I don't like buying trendy clothes designed to focus attention on what the kids are wearing instead of who they are, with the bonus of looking completely lame and out of date six months later so that instead of passing them down I have to buy them all over again.  Most of all though, I don't like looking at my children and seeing that the greatest desire of their little hearts is to possess one more thing.

I might be too sensitive about this issue but I've always bristled at advertising directed toward my children which is why I don't buy them things with licensed characters plastered all over them.  They pretty much know not to even ask anymore--I'm not going to get them Diego socks, or light up Ninja Turtle sneakers, or a Thomas the Tank engine backpack, or Mickey Mouse snacks.  Some may think I'm a mean mom, but I prefer to think of myself as protecting their childhoods from "the man" ;)

Now these things aren't necessarily banned from the house, I'm just not buying them.

Knowing all this, when I saw Born to Buy:The Commercialized Child and the New Consumer Culture pop up in that ever handy "Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought" section on Amazon, I knew it was right up my alley and immediately........put a hold on it at the library. 

In it Juliet Schor describes the commercialization of childhood and goes through the history as well as the current state of marketing to children in our country, well current as of 2004, but I think it's safe to say that advertisers have only further fine tuned their craft in the intervening years.  Before I read the book, I obviously knew that companies were marketing to children but to read about teams of psychologists, child development specialists, anthropologists, and sociologists all working together to convince our children that they will only be happy, cool, popular, attractive, strong, or smart once they've bought (or rather, convinced their parents to buy) whatever product they're pushing is....well, it's just creepy isn't it?

Schor also conducted her own research and found, unsurprisingly, that all this consumer involvement undermines children's well-being:

"American children are deeply enmeshed in the culture of getting and spending, and they are getting more so.  We find that the more enmeshed they are, the more they suffer for it.  The more they buy into the commercial and materialist messages, the worse they feel about themselves, the more depressed they are and the more they are beset by anxiety, headaches, stomachaches, and boredom.  The bottom line on the culture they're being raised in is that it's a lot more pernicious than most adults have been willing to admit."  

I think this is important because there's a tendency to think that advertising is just a harmless annoyance to parents but it's not.  It's a very targeted attack on our children and it's hurting them.

Schors' solutions to the commercialized childhood, for parent's at least, are to get kids outside more, limit tv time or exclude it altogether, spend a lot of time together doing engaging, non-commercial activities, and model a non-commercial lifestyle--as she says, "parents who desire less commercial lifestyles for their children need to change with them."

These seem right on the mark to me.

She says that one of the underlying messages of all this marketing directed at children is that "living modestly means living like a loser" which is not exactly the message we're trying to teach our children.  We're going for something more along the lines of, "living modestly is not only our Christian duty but also the only way to find true happiness."  What I found really interesting was that she also says that this marketing to kids is inherently dangerous because the marketers promise things like love, success, power and happiness to the kids who buy their products and those are promises that they can never truly fulfill which in turn leaves kids perpetually dissatisfied--and perpetually in search of the next thing they need to buy.

This is a secular book so the author doesn't make any religious connections but she does say that "desiring less, rather than getting more, seems to be the key to contentment and well-being."  Of course that is exactly the opposite of what our consumer culture is telling our children.  Well, "telling" is probably the wrong word.  It's more like a drum that's incessantly beating:  Buy, Buy, Buy.  It's hard enough as adults to resist the siren song of the consumer life.  I would say it's near impossible for a child--especially when there are literally teams of adult experts working against them. 

As I read through her conclusions, I couldn't help but be reminded of St. Augustine when he said my heart is restless until it finds rest in you.  What I really want for my kids is for them to grow up being satisfied with what they have and not always wanting more--which feels like a constant battle, but maybe that's the way it's always been.

What about you?  Do you fight the good fight against our consumer culture in your home?  What does that look like?

  

All my Amazon book links are affiliate links which means I get lots and lots of cents every time you buy something after clicking through them, but for heaven's sake check your library to see if they have them first :)

On Figuring Ourselves Out

Every so often someone on the internet will write a post about Myers-Briggs personality types and it always stirs up a flurry of excited discussion and I rarely participate because no matter how many different versions of the test I take (including the *real* version) it always comes out INFJ--which for the longest time I thought couldn't possibly be right since it's the rarest of all the types, like less than one percent of the population rare.  What are the odds that that could really be me?  I know, I know, probably about one percent.  

Declaring yourself to be an INFJ on the internet seems tantamount to declaring that you are indeed a special snowflake whom no one else could possibly understand or fully appreciate which is not exactly the message I want to send out.  So, I guess what I'm saying is that, while you probably can't fathom the specialness of me, let's try to talk personality typing anyway :) 

For your viewing pleasure I've also included these unrelated, slightly fuzzy pictures of Margaret.  Enjoy.

After seeing lots of recommendations, I've been reading Please Understand Me II: Temperament, Character, Intelligence by David  Keirsey to try to get a better understanding of personality types in general and it is so interesting!  For one, I've finally admitted to myself that I am indeed an INFJ which means, among other things, that I'm an idealist--which will probably surprise no one, least of all the facilitator at our marriage retreat who felt like he had to give me a special talking to about my absurdly high "idealism" score on our pre-cana questionnaire.  Also, I've decided that the reason I was voted "most serious" by my senior class probably had less to do with everyone thinking that I was grumpy--which was my biggest concern at the time--and more to do with a certain air of intense pensiveness that not too many of my classmates shared.  I think having a rarer personality type also helps explain why I often felt out of sync with everyone else growing up--or maybe that's just typical of everyone?

Really the biggest take away for me from this book is that not everyone is the same.  I know.  That's probably not a groundbreaking thought, but I figure I'm probably not the only one who could use the reminder.  Not everyone feels the same as me, not everyone experiences the same situations in the same way as me, not everyone will react to the same circumstances the way I will.  And that's okay.

Now as interesting as reading all about my own and Chris' (ESTJ) personality types was, the one thought that kept popping into my mind during all of this was, I need to figure out the children's personality types.  Okay, the thought was more, I need to figure out David's personality type because my child is crazy and makes no sense to me and I need help!  In an amazingly fortuitous coincidence this post on personality typing children  popped up in my reader with just what I needed--a new book recommendation--which I am now passing on to you.  

Nurture by Nature: Understand Your Child's Personality Type - And Become a Better Parent, 

When it comes to parenting my difficult child (wonderful, but difficult!), thinking of him as someone with a distinctive personality type that plenty of other children also have has gone a long way toward making me feel less crazy. It has also been very helpful to recognize the differences in our specific personalities and the tension that that can cause.  

It's so easy to try to mold the kids into little versions of ourselves.  Well easy to want to anyway, it's impossible to succeed at......unless they happen to already be like us to begin with, which none of mine appear to be--I'm still holding out hopes for Margaret though :)

We tentatively typed David as an ENTP (I think the others are too young to really get a read on them yet).  For him, all the interrupting, the constant flow of ideas and the never finishing of any of the subsequent projects, the way he seems to go crazy when surrounded by other children, getting more and more energized as if he's siphoning the energy straight from me all makes more sense in the framework of his personality.  His behavior also looks a lot less like disobedience and a lot more like a little boy who needs guidance--which is probably a much more helpful viewpoint. I love that the book has pointers for parents on what works with children of each different type at the end of each section as well and the advice there has already been making our days more pleasant.  

So, read the book and figure out your kids and make your days more pleasant and in the mean time take this test and figure out your own personality type and then report back here.  Because in addition to being a special snowflake I'm also nosy.  

One of Those Mornings

This was thrust at me this morning along with a calendar detailing which day next week David will be officially quitting the family.....all because I had the audacity to make him finish his math work. 

Moms, we're just so lame.  

Translation:  "David sticking his tongue out at mom."

On the bright side, he did know better than to actually stick his tongue out at me.  I'm still trying to decide if I should go totally mean mom and make him correct his spelling and punctuation errors :)

Patching Up a Bad Day

When I'm having a bad day (and if you've ever seen David have a bad day in person you can imagine how bad a bad day can look like in our house when a certain someone gets grumpy) I always attack a housework project to make myself feel better. The size of the project attempted generally corresponds to the horrificness level of the day.  If Chris comes home from work to find the entire contents of the garage dragged into the driveway it's a good sign that mommy needs him to escort the children off the property so she can have a calm down break in the shower.

On Class Notes

After receiving the latest edition of the Notre Dame Magazine--aka the free magazine which if it was up to me would have been spite-canceled long ago along with a letter to the editor that would have read something along the lines of "Really?  Really Notre Dame Magazine?  This is what you decided to publish in your Catholic university's magazine?" except of course more scathing and eloquent, but I digress--Chris and I were talking about how we should really send in an update about all of his amazing class notes-worthy career accomplishments.  The alumni updates section is the reason I'm not allowed to spite-cancel our subscription btw.

Well, it got me thinking of what my class notes update might look like, you know, other than the obligatory "I birthed a baby....again!"  Of course, mine don't go to the Notre Dame Magazine, I decided to spend my collegiate years in universities that were both much warmer and have magazines much less offensive to my Catholic sensibilities--mostly because they don't purport to actually be Catholic :)

FYI these pictures are completely unrelated to this post.....

I'm thinking something along the lines of this............

Cristina (Kazleman) Reintjes '05 left her position as wife of a law school student to move up to the more prestigious position of wife of a Navy JAG.  She looks forward to the challenges this new role offers and the opportunity to see the world and occasionally her husband.  Cristina was awarded the distinction of "Best Mom In the World" by her precious middle-born son, however the title was quickly rescinded by her generally crankier first-born and replaced with "Worst Mom Ever" for "ruining all my fun."  Cristina has published literally dozens of blog posts that are not all that interesting or thought provoking however three out of four sets of grandparents agree that they "really enjoy seeing so many pictures of their grandchildren" but "could really do without all of those distracting blog link ups."


I don't know.....too wordy?  I'd hate to look like I was tooting my own horn.  Maybe I'll just wait for the next birth announcement instead.......

......unrelated but cute right?   :)

The Things We Leave Undone

It's finally cool enough for us to walk to mass again without giving up and laying down on the side of the road while Chris runs home for the car and an emergency pick up.  And by "cool enough" I most certainly do not mean that Fall has arrived, that probably won't happen until late December--I guess I should say it's just less hot now.  If you would like to serenade me with a tiny violin for the burden I bear of living in a semi-tropical paradise without seasonal changes, now would be a good time--I'm sure my husband would love to do a duet........

Anyway, last week walking to mass meant that we passed by an older lady who was experiencing car trouble and I nudged Chris to go and see if he could help her.  She thought her car had broken down--it turned out she just needed to put her car in park so that she could unstick her keys and start her ignition, which would have been funny if Chris hadn't also had to fix a similar 'problem' for me in the past.  She was so grateful, and I was so happy that we stopped and didn't just pass her by on our way to something that seemed more important.

Well, during mass Father read this poem during his homily and I was even more grateful:

The Sin of Omission

It isn't the thing you do, dear,
It's the thing you leave undone
That gives you a bit of a heartache
At setting of the sun.
The tender work forgotten,
The letter you did not write,
The flowers you did not send, dear,
Are your haunting ghosts at night.

The stone you might have lifted
Out of a brother's way;
The bit of heartsome counsel
You were hurried too much to say;
The loving touch of the hand, dear,
The gentle, winning tone
Which you had no time nor thought for
With troubles enough of your own.

Those little acts of kindness
So easily out of mind,
Those chances to be angels
Which we poor mortals find -
They come in night and silence,
Each sad, reproachful wraith,
When hope is faint and flagging,
And a chill has fallen on faith.

For life is all too short, dear,
And sorrow is all to great,
To suffer our slow compassion
That tarries until too late:
And it isn't the thing you do, dear,
It's the thing you leave undone
Which gives you a bit of heartache
At the setting of the sun. 

Margaret Elizabeth Sangster

I was tearing up thinking of all the the things I leave undone in general in the course of my own days.  If we had passed by that women without stopping to help that morning that tearing up probably would have been more of an ugly cry and nobody wants to see me ugly cry during mass.  

Father said he had to memorize this when he was a boy in the Philippines and I definitely think it's going on the short list for things I want the boys to memorize as well--for their sake but also for my benefit.  It's too easy to be so busy that I don't stop and listen to the prompting of the Holy Spirit in my day to day life.  

So here's a gentle reminder for all of us to slow down and not have those regrets at the end of the day.....or at least not so many.   

When Life Hands You Lemonade...Mix

Summer may be over for you, but here in Florida it's pretty much always time for a lemonade stand.

We teamed up with the boys' best friends who are pretty much their exact ages and temperaments.  They provided all the great ideas and the lemonade.....and the perfect location...and the snacks......we provided the stand and the beautiful artwork.

As we watched the children running rampant I told their mom that I love being at her house because it makes me feel less crazy.  She said that that wasn't exactly a compliment, but really it was.  See, I consider her to be a really good mom and when I see her boys exhibiting the exact same, let's say challenging, behaviors as my own little darlings it makes me feel like it's not just me and that good moms can have crazy kids so maybe I'm a good mom too.

The key to having a successful lemonade stand, aside from amazing signage, is to have five of the cutest boys you've ever seen line up along the road shouting and waving "lemonade! lemonade!" at every passer-by and when those passer-bys say that they don't have any money have the children yell "it's free!"  Once the customers have partaken of their free lemonade that's when the children need to go all puppy dog-eyed and look sadly at their cup marked 'donations' and then back up at the customers.  Then just sit back and watch the dollar bills start pouring in.

And if someone asks you if your lemonade is 'hand squeezed' or 'hand scooped' just laugh at them and tell them that of course it is 'hand scooped.'  We're sure not hand squeezing lemonade for strangers around here--I don't care how many quarters they pay us :)

On Inappropriate Pictures

I know, I just said that David tends to draw in verbs....but now I can also say he sometimes draws in adjectives.  Very specific, anatomically correct adjectives--like in this self portrait for instance:

After showing me his masterpiece and pointing out each of his various body parts, both private and public (and after I convinced him to draw some undies and clothes on himself) he asked me to draw an anatomically correct self portrait as well.

Me:  Umm....no.

David:  But I want to know what lady parts look like.

Me:  (crying on the inside)  Lady parts are private and special honey.  Ladies don't show their lady parts to boys.  

David:  That's not true.  Your num nums are private but you show them to John Michael all the time when he's milking you.

Me:   (face palm)  Number one, John Michael is not milking mommy.  John Michael is drinking mommy's milk.  You milk a cow.  There is a difference.  I don't care if there's not a difference, that's just not how we say it.  Number two, it is okay for babies to see their mommy's num nums, you just don't look at other lady's num nums who aren't feeding babies.

David:  (blank look)

Me:  I'm not drawing you a picture of lady parts.

David:  (undeterred)  Well, then I'm going to ask the librarian for a book all about lady parts so I can learn all about them myself.


This is the problem with not having any sisters.

He's been popping "lady parts" questions on me at random moments for a couple of months now, hoping to catch me off guard, but he must be getting desperate if he's resorted to trying to trick me into drawing him a picture.  I think I might have settled the question at the zoo this week when a pair of otters swam by and I pointed out the differences between the boy and the girl--I suppose only time will tell.......

On the positive side, apparently he's internalized the message that you can learn anything you want to know about from books.



If anyone has any tips on talking to little boys about the differences between them and little girls I would love to hear them.  I generally pass these types of inquiries to Chris but I think his explanation that girls are "inside out" has done more to peak David's curiosity than satisfy it.  

In the mean time I guess I can expect a lot more pictures like this one:

And grandma and grandpa Reintjes can just let me know if they would like me to send them the original to hang up in their new place :)

On Nap Dropping

or David Stopped Napping and Mommy Lost Her Mind

David gave up his nap this year.  I didn't realize how much of my sanity depended on my children's regular and reliable napping.  I mean, for years I had a good three hours of simultaneously napping children to do with as I pleased....well, to do quiet things as I pleased, but still.......

Without nap time I think I was slowly losing my will to mother.  I tried unsuccessfully filling nap time in with "quiet time," then eventually settled on "special time" for David while the other boys slept....in an effort to, you know, make David feel more special.  That tended more and more often to playing games with him that involved me being a rock or a boulder or some other stationary object while he pranced around me and I lay down on the floor trying not to fall asleep.

Kind of like this, but on the floor....

Mommy needs a break.....or some kind of a caffeine drip IV......

Then one day I had a scathingly brilliant idea while I was brainstorming with Aunt Julia on the phone.....what if I leveraged David's "special time" with the successful completion of a one hour "quiet time" first?

Don't tell the special time police....I'm pretty sure the first rule of "special time" is not to talk about special time....I mean, not to make it contingent on anything......but mamma's got to do what mamma's got to do.   I've now got a good hour with all the children in their respective spots--if not all sleeping, at least being relatively quiet and it.is.wonderful.

And then on glorious days like this one, I check the even quieter than usual quiet time room only to find that--wonder of wonders--quiet time really has turned into nap time and for a few precious minutes I have three simultaneous nappers.

I like to think of it as a quiet time miracle.

On Painting with Verbs

I was recently listening to Andrew Pudewa's talk on Teaching Boys and Other Children Who Would Rather Make Forts All Day and I found myself laughing out loud and nodding vigorously in agreement.

Boys and girls are different.  They think differently.  They learn differently.   They create differently.

Take for example this painting:

It began simply enough.  David announced that he was going to paint a red boat.  Then he added waves (those squiggly lines at the bottom) complete with white caps and a beautiful sun up top.  I was so proud!  Look at all those lovely details!

Then things took a bit of a turn.  Apparently when my son paints, he doesn't paint in adjectives--he paints in verbs.  He paints a story.

Unfortunately for his boat, a storm rolled in and clouds covered the sun.  Then there was some lightning followed by torrential rain, and soon there was nothing left to be seen of that little boat.  He did assure me though, that the sailors on board were able to locate the treasure they were searching for right under that red "x" at the bottom of the painting, so.....that was a relief.

Is this the prettiest painting I've ever seen?  Umm.....no.....but it sure does have a lot of action hidden in it and it was so fun to watch his process unfold and listen to his story as he painted that I wouldn't dream of intervening and making suggestions to attempt to make it "better."  

If you have a little time and three dollars I would highly recommend listening to the lecture.  I learned a lot of things I had never heard before about gender differences (which is crazy since I have degrees in both Elementary Education and School Psychology), and the research he quotes seems very sound.   Also, he presents some really good information about motivating children in general that would be beneficial to parents of boys and girls alike.  And, as if that weren't enough, there's an accompanying book list geared toward boys (including resources for their parents/teachers) organized by grade level--because that's what I need in my life, more book lists.

Let me know if you listen to it or have already heard it before!  I'd love to hear your thoughts :)

On Being a Spectacle

Sometimes my children make a spectacle of themselves for all the wrong reasons.  This day, however, we were a spectacle of cuteness only and I think we brought a little amusement to the lives of all the passing motorists.  

Don't mind me, I'm just taking a walk to the pier with Peter Pan and a half dressed dinosaur.......

I told David that he would be too hot in his outfit of choice but I was quickly informed that he had to wear the pants or no one would believe he was the real Peter Pan.

I couldn't resist an "I told you so" when we reached the pier and he was unsuccessfully trying to will his pants into becoming the shorts he left behind.

I generally don't pick battles on clothing choices unless we're going to mass.  I mean, they have such a limited number of years before 'pantsless dinosaur' goes from being a spectacle of cuteness to a spectacle of inappropriateness that may or may not involve police intervention.....

Enjoy it while you can my little dinosaur :)

One of Those Weeks.....

I think this picture pretty much sums up my week.  In fact it was probably the high point........

Me:  "Henry.  Why did you do that?"
Henry:  "I didn't want that (pointing at the toilet paper) on there (pointing at the roll).

Of course.


Well, like I always say:

When life hands you lemons..............

..................organize a closet....or two.....or three....................

He Loves Babies

....sometimes he loves them a little too.....hard......but he does love them nonetheless......any baby.  Every baby.

I have this baby doll that I received on my very first Christmas, we call her sad baby.  When David first found her amongst our boxes her legs and arms were taped on, she was hemorrhaging stuffing and she had a bit of a lazy eye--he loved her anyway.  He practiced 'gentle touches' with her in anticipation of each new baby and held her close when we found out one of those babies wouldn't be coming home after all.

Once I realized sad baby wasn't going back to her box anytime soon, she made her way to the local doll hospital for a little repair work and is no longer sad baby--okay she's still called 'sad baby' but she doesn't look like a sad baby........

.....well really she looks creepily like our actual baby.  I've been known to have mini panic attacks after walking into a room and finding her face down under a 'pillow nest' or laying head first in a box of blocks.  Mostly David just keeps her in his bed, though occasionally he wants to do something like wear her to the park just like mom.  I'm pretty sure this was mostly a ploy to impress the neighbor girl (whom he says he wants to marry because quote "she lives the closest to me").

On that note, we recently had to clear up a little misunderstanding when David started telling me he wished I were in heaven already.  Apparently he thought that in order for him to get married and have his own family I had to be 'in heaven' first.  Why it was just me and not Chris and I, I still don't know.  Well, much to everyone's relief I explained that mommies don't have to be in heaven first for their sons to get married--although I suppose there are many who would prefer it :)  And that if he gets married I want to be there to see it and celebrate, to which he responded that if that were the case he wants to build his new house right next to mine and he and his wife will make me lobsters for dinner--with macaroni and cheese and peanut butter and tuna fish, and also lunchables "for the kids."

Delicious :)

PS Don't tell Chris I put pictures of his eldest son baby-doll-wearing on the internets....he would not be amused :)

PPS Isn't he precious?

Happy Mother's Day To Me

David (while watching Captain Hook steal a picnic on Jake and the Neverland Pirates--because I'm an excellent parent):  "Food isn't treasure!"

Me:  "Your treasure is the thing you love most."

David:  "Then you're my treasure mom."

Henry:  "And we're going to lock you up in our pirate ship."


It's good to be a mom.  Even if you do end up locked up in a pirate ship :)


We've had a lazy day.  Last night after Henry's party I was taken out by a migraine and haven't been out of my pajamas since.  My wonderful husband took over all of the party clean up and children-hyped-up-on-juice-boxes-and-candy duties.  Today I've had flowers and time alone to rest and read in peace and quiet.  Chris always takes such good care of me, every day really is Mother's Day in our house......

.....and now the hero of my day is taking a much deserved nap with this sweet baby.  They're really too precious for words.

He Peed on My Shoes

.....or, Why Having a Two Year Old is Like Having a Puppy.......

Is there an appropriate picture to go with this story?  Not really.

I told you how Henry has taken up doing his business anywhere around the house except the one place his business belongs.  Well, little man has taken it to the next level.  Now, if you take him out of his pull ups (or even diaper--yeah, we still had some left over) he will pretty much immediately go and spite pee on something.

This weekend Chris rounded the corner and saw the guilty face and wet undies:

Hubby:  "Did you pee pee?"
Henry:  "mmmm hhmmm"
Hubby:  "Where is it?"
Henry:  "Over there." (insert vague arm gesture)
Hubby:  "Show me."
Henry:  more definitive arm gesture
Hubby:  "On my shoes!  REALLY?"  (insert exasperated shoe cleaning)
Henry:  "Take that dad, you wanted another baby well now you have two.  Maybe you'll think twice next time and ask permission before bringing any new children into the house--MY house.  Go ahead, I dare you to have another baby."  (okay, I'm just guessing at his inner monologue here)

We've taken a potty training hiatus.  Touché Henry, you win this round.

This Week with My Little Darlings....

aka:

Why We Have to Homeschool Our Children Because the Other Kids at School Probably Won't Appreciate Their Uniqueness....

or

Why Having a Newborn Hasn't Impacted My Sleep.....

or alternately,

Why I Need an I-phone.....(PS the answer to the last one is that these cell phone pics are sad, my apologies).

(is it everyone? does everyone say that?)

David has been really into fashion these days and insists on choosing his own outfits, which usually include a bow tie and rarely match.  I've been trying to imagine him walking into kindergarten in some of these get ups.  I can't imagine the other kids would appreciate his unique sense of style...or maybe I'm just not giving five year olds enough credit?  

In other parenting news, this is how I found Henry at about 10:30 in the morning the other day.....

....he was out cold.....

I feel like having John Michael hasn't really impacted my sleep so far, or at least my overall tiredness level.  I think it's a combination of finally jumping on the co-sleeping bandwagon and the fact that my children all wake up absurdly early (although now that David isn't napping anymore he has been getting up in the to 6:30-7 range which I'm told is much closer to the time regular children think morning begins).  Henry had been sleeping in to a more respectable hour too--you know, past 5:30, before the baby arrived on the scene.  Now he seems to be suffering from middle-child-itis and knows if he gets up first he gets me mostly to himself.  He's also decided that he's not a big boy and does not want big boy undies anymore and if you make him wear them he will go hide under the bed and do his business there....out of spite....but I'm not bitter......

So maybe my body is just used to being tired?  Can you become immune to tiredness?   Maybe I've just seriously lowered my sleep expectations over the years?  

Oh well, I am loving the co-sleeping!  I think I've gained at least two hours of sleep a night by not trying to pick up the baby out of the bassinet, feed him, settle him back down to sleep alone, and then lay (lie?) in bed waiting anxiously to see if he is really going to fall asleep or if he will start crying again.  Am I the only one who suffers from baby waking anxiety when you can't sleep because you just know the baby is going to wake back up so why let yourself fall asleep anyway?

Feel free to laugh at me if things go horribly wrong when I finally do want to move him out of our bed, or you can just remind me that I said it was totally worth the risk to not be newborn tired right now :)

On Being a Loving Mom

After mass last Sunday a woman stopped me and told me that she had been watching me and that I was "such a loving mom."

That was really nice to hear because I've been working really hard on becoming a more loving mom in general and it had been really difficult to maintain my *loving mom* composure during that particular mass that had lasted two hours.  It was a total mom win.  

I'm not always so successful though.  If she saw me at my cranky grouchy worst at home, "loving" may not be the first word that would spring to her mind, a fact that was demonstrated later in the week when I was informed that I was in fact a "mean mommy" and that same certain someone wanted to "throw me away in the trash can".....ouch.

But being grouchy and even mean is inevitable right?

I hope not.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about this and I truly believe that my impatience, my quick temper and the tone of voice I use with my children but would never use with anyone else shouldn't be dismissed as character flaws or just the inevitable result of too many littles and not enough sleep (which is my own personal favorite excuse); "...these are not faults or mere imperfections, but venial sins."

"Our Lord has called us to holiness for us to love with deeds.  And on the approach we adopt towards deliberate venial sin will depend the progress we make in our interior life.  For when we do not struggle to avoid venial sins or when there is not enough contrition for them, they damage the soul grievously.  These venial sins make the soul insensitive to the inspirations and motions of the Holy Spirit.  They weaken the life of grace and make the virtues more difficult to practice, and incline one towards mortal sin.

Many pious souls...are in an unfaithful state almost continuously as regards 'little things'; they are impatient, hardly charitable in their thoughts, judgments and words, false in their conversations and attitudes, slow and lax in their piety; they don't control themselves and are excessively frivolous in their language....They know their own defects and infidelities, and perhaps even accuse themselves in confession; but they do not seriously repent of them, nor do they make use of the means to avoid them in the future.  They do not realize that each one of these 'imperfections' is like a leaden weight that drags them down...The soul thus loses the splendor of its true beauty, and God is increasingly distanced from it." 

In Conversation with God, volume 2 

When I started to think of the way I'm relating to my children as sinful and not just an inevitable character flaw it really changed my perspective and motivation to do better.

With those thoughts in mind I picked up a copy of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting...and by picked up I mean of course ordered with my Amazon Prime and waited like the impatient crazy person that I am for the entire two days it took two arrive.  It was worth it though--this book is parenting gold.   I've read a lot of books in this same vein before and many of them do a great job explaining the whys of peaceful parenting but not so much the hows.  This book is full of practical advice and inspiration:

"Most parents yell.  It's just something we assume happens when we live with kids, like the flu.  Afterward, we're often regretful, hoping we haven't done any damage...It is usually true, as we reassure ourselves, that our children know we love them, even if we yell.  But it isn't true that yelling doesn't hurt children.

Imagine your husband or wife losing their temper and screaming at you.  Now imagine them three times as big as you, towering over you.  Imagine that you depend on that person completely for your food, shelter, safety, protection.  Imagine they are your primary source of love and self-confidence and information about the world, that you have nowhere else to turn.  Now take those feelings and magnify them by a factor of a thousand.  That's something like what happens inside your child when you lose your temper at her."   

If anyone spoke to me the way I sometimes speak to my kids--I would cry.  Now, if you know me you know that I'm not a yeller and neither is Chris, but when I get bogged down in the daily frustrations that are inevitable when you have too many litles and not enough sleep I do become exasperated and impatient and often clearly lose my temper with my little darlings for various *good* reasons and after a while I'm cranky and irritable for no reason at all.

It's in those moments that I can see most clearly that my impatience and my lack of control are sins that have damaged my soul and only prayer and a firm resolve to not let it continue can fix that damage.  I think step one is recognizing that reality and step two is to take responsibility for myself.  I can't make the boys behave but I can make myself behave and I can choose how I respond to their behavior.

"Parenting isn't about what our child does, but about how we respond.  In fact, most of what we call parenting doesn't take place between a parent and child but within the parent.  When a storm brews, a parent's response will either calm it or incite a full-scale tsunami.  Staying calm enough to respond constructively to all that childish behavior--and the stormy emotions behind it--requires that we grow, too.  If we can use those times when our buttons get pushed to reflect, not just react, we can notice when we lose equilibrium and steer ourselves back on track.  This inner growth is the hardest work there is, but it's what enables you to become a more peaceful parent, one day at a time.  

The Aha! Moment here is that an adult's peaceful presence has a more powerful influence on a child than yelling ever could.  Your own emotional regulation--a fancy way of saying your ability to stay calm--allows you to treat the people in your life, including the little people, calmly, respectfully, and responsibly.  That's what produces children who are emotionally regulated, respectful and responsible."  

When I'm calm I can parent more effectively.  When I'm calm I can be open to the Holy Spirit (you know it's hard to hear him when your screaming--even if your only screaming on the inside).  But, if you're like me, you need a game plan--get the book, it's a game plan :)

If this book can help me not only get my three boys through a two hour mass with no tears (did I mention it was two hours) but to do it in such a loving way that someone else actually noticed--it can definitely help anyone.  Unless of course you are already a lovely and peaceful parent who is flabbergasted that all of these amazing insights were news to me,  in which case just disregard all of this and offer me up some prayers m'kay?  :)

 Here's to less yelling and more peaceful days.